The Art of Letting Go – How You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Death and Grief

Kids generally know death as they watch cartoon movies or TV shows. Death is a reality of life, but when kids go through a loved one’s loss, it becomes challenging to manage their emotions. As parents, what is the art of letting go, and how you can help your kids cope with death and grief; we will learn in this blog.

The Art of Letting Go – How you can help your kids cope with death and grief

Kids react differently to intense situations like the death of a relative, friend, grandparent, or even parent. At one moment, they might start crying, and in another, they are playing. This behavior is expected because playful activities are a way of managing their feelings. It is okay if your child gets anxious, feels sad, or shows anger over something.

What matters most is that parents should allow kids to show their emotions. Being a follower of Islam, our religion provides us with the most comprehensive material on every topic. Teaching children about the concepts of life, death, and how to react in such situations have all been stated in our religious books.

Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur’an, « (It is He) Who created death and life that He may try you- which of you is best in deeds; and He is the Mighty, the Forgiving. » [67:2]

As parents, we can give them access to books about death. Book reading, sharing stories, and remembering the deceased person can help children express themselves better. Parents can also express their grief in front of kids to normalize being sad about someone’s death. However, children’s responses vary with their age. We should not overburden them with many details; instead, we should communicate with them after finding a suitable time and place. Using vague language, such as ‘passed away’ or ‘went to sleep,’ is also not a good practice. Kids are naturally sensitive, and using such language might scare them.

How to help your kids cope with a loss?

It is challenging to control your child’s feelings during sad incidents such as the passing away of a loved one, but not impossible. Parents are closest to their children and probably more aware of their swinging behavioral patterns. Their support can make things easier for the little child grieving a loved one’s loss.

We have researched and compiled some ways parents can help kids cope with a loss:

1. Communicate in a simple language

Stay polite and considerate when you inform your kid about someone’s death. Speak in a simple language that is direct and concise. Start in a normal tone and take pauses to let your child absorb your words.

1. Talk and offer support.

Every child has a different reaction to death news. Some may start crying, some may start questioning, and a few may not respond. All these responses are normal. As parents, you must stay close to your kid for instant support and comfort. Talk to them, be present and answer any questions they might have. Make them feel protected and heard.

1. Understand their feelings

Ask your kids how they feel. Relate to their emotions, so they feel connected and understood. Name their emotions like that. Use polite, considerate words to lighten up their grief. Spend more time with them and encourage them to recite Quranic verses and surahs for the deceased soul.

1. Let them participate in events.

Let your kids visit funerals or memorial events and explain what happens in those rituals. This way, they will be prepared before events like the burial ceremony. Tell them how people come to sympathize, recite the Holy Qur’an and make them understand your family rituals.

1. Comfort your kid

Be close to your kid and notice his emotions. Comfort him if he feels gloomy or worried. Keep a check on his mood and listen to him. Tell your kid that feeling sad and getting better with time is okay. Initially, your kid might face difficulty during sleep hours, but tell kids that things will be okay. Spend more time and speak to them.

1. Give them space

Allow them time and space for healing from the loss. Mourning is a process that takes time to ensure that you have regular communication with your kid. Healing implies remembering the loved one in good words and happy memories. As adults or children, we heal more quickly by recalling the good memories spent with the person.

Quranic verses on Death

The Holy book of Allah (SWT) comprehensively explained the concept of death so that as believers we can understand what death and how we should prepare for it.

Being parents, you can teach your kids about the fundamental idea behind our existence, death and life after death. For younger children, they will understand more quickly so you can teach the following verses from the Holy Qur’an for more clarity about death and how to cope with grief.

Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur’an:

1. « On the day that every soul shall find present what it has done of good and what it has done of evil, it shall wish that between it and that (evil) there were a long duration of time; and Allah makes you be cautious of (retribution from) Himself; and Allah is Compassionate to the servants. » [3:30]
2. « O soul that is at rest! Return to your Lord, well-pleased (with him), well-pleasing (Him), So enter among My servants And enter into My garden. » [89:27-30]
3. And the stupor of death will come in truth; that is what you were trying to escape. (Surah Qaf [50:19]

The Messenger of Allah (S) said:

« People are of two kinds, one is those from whom others will get relief, and the other kind is those who would get the relief themselves. Those who get the relief themselves are believers. When death approaches them, they would get relief from the hardships and pains of this world. And those from whom others would get relief are the disbelievers. When they die, the trees, animals, and many people would get relief from them. »