7 Principles of Responsive Parenting in 2022

What is Responsive Parenting?

Parents influence a child’s life and overall development, be it mental, physical, or emotional. Hence a great responsibility lies on parents to provide their kids with a good upbringing, a safe environment, a strong knowledge of faith and religion besides good education. This article will help you learn the 11 principles of responsive parenting crucial for modern-day parents.

In today’s digital, fast-paced age, where children are constantly surrounded by a plethora of content, the importance of conscious and responsible parenting becomes a key. Parents are constantly under the radar for their children’s good upbringing and collective teachings about an Islamic society.

Responsive parenting implies family connections in which parents understand their kids’ physical and emotional demands. They are aware of individual developmental changes, react faster and more responsibly to their kids, and offer support during stressful hours. Modern research also proves children thrive if they receive responsible and supportive parenting. Islamic parenting involves a person’s accountability and service to Allah through his excellent conduct and behavior to Allah’s creation.

Basics of Parenting in Islam

The Last Messenger of Allah, Hazrat Mohammad (PBUH), taught the basics of parenting to the entire humankind through his magnificent personality and said:

« Indeed, each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be questioned regarding his flock. The commander in authority over people is responsible, and he will be questioned regarding his responsibility. The man is responsible for the inhabitants of his house, and he is the one who will be questioned about them. The wife is responsible for her husband’s house, and she will be questioned. The servant is responsible for his master’s property, and he will be questioned. Indeed each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be questioned about his flock. » [Al-Bukhari, Muslim]

Our religion offers the most comprehensive and timeless values about the code of life, experiences, and parenting challenges. Undoubtedly, parenting is one of the blessings from Allah, and each blessing brings with it some trials and tests. As a firm believers, it is upon us to overcome those tests with gratitude and earn immense rewards from Allah.

« And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, ‘My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work the righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims. » [Qur’an, 46:15]

7 Principles of Responsive Parenting

1. Give unconditional trust

First, make sure that your kids understand that you trust them unconditionally. No matter what action they take or how circumstances fold, you trust them. Keeping unconditional trust is obligatory to follow the rules and guidance from a young age. Islam also encourages parents to maintain a trustful relationship with their children. Each child is born pure and innocent; it’s the parents’ responsibility to provide them with a secure environment and have complete faith in their actions.

For parents to trust children for all their choices and decisions, they also need to practice the same feelings. Parents should have confidence in their capabilities and efforts to acknowledge their genuine selves. That process of struggle can bring the inner kid treatment often required to feel trusted.

The beloved Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, as narrated in Sahih Bukhari:

« Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people is a guardian and is responsible for them; a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; an enslaved person is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges. »

1. Practice Responsiveness

Parents develop a trust cycle by responding to a child’s emotional, physical, and mental needs. Through practicing self-awareness, responsive parents act more confident in their capability to react to their kids’ needs. As they have faith in their intuition, they react to their kid’s demands with empathy and compassion. This responsiveness results in constructive communication between a parent and a child and enables both child and parent to fulfill their needs while maintaining a positive bond.

1. Nurture Attachment

The kind of attachment responsive parents provide to their kids determines the quality of their holistic development. Parents have the most complex yet straightforward responsibility to offer unconditional affection and attachment, resulting in a safe attachment. Nothing else matters if it is not aligned.

Allah has provided a comprehensive guide to the Muslims for raising good children, comprising matters related to a child’s birth to his step-by-step development, problems they may face, and solutions to tackle parenting struggles at any age.

Responsive parenting has numerous jobs; it demands parents to inculcate intrinsic motivation through patience and empathy rather than punishments and presents. They practice encouragement tactics instead of direct lecturing and avoid using power, guilt, and shame to influence a child. These parenting tools let them nourish secure attachment and provide a lifelong bond and emotional security.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, « Let he who believes in Allah and the Last Day speak good, or keep silent, and let he who believes in Allāh and the Last Day be generous to his neighbor, and let he who believes in Allāh and the Last Day be generous to his guest. »

1. Accept Childhood Beauty

One of the integral principles of responsive parenting is practicing acceptance and acknowledging childhood innocence, purity, and simplicity. It is mostly about considering childhood as a beautiful and impactful phase of human development. Parents believe that children are rightly pertinent and capable of knowing their demands and that belief in our children’s intuition enables them to learn how their bodies and mind respond.

Islamic teachings have also taught us to believe that children are the most significant rewards in this world, and it is they who can protect this world if nurtured with kindness and empathy. Our Holy Prophet, Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH), said:

« Verily Allah the Almighty has laid down fara’id (religious obligations), so do not neglect them. He has set boundaries, so do not overstep them. He has prohibited some things, so do not violate them; about some things He was silent, out of compassion for you, not forgetfulness, so seek not after them. »

1. Offer Child-led Development

Responsive parenting lies in the principle of child-led learning and development. Parents understand that this tool is valid for influencing long-term innate motivation for creativity, development, and learning. Responsive parents make sure they offer children learning experiences, constructing desired patterns and creating a thoughtful choice that shows their children’s unique learning needs and capabilities.

Our religion has explained all these developmental phases in clear-cut terms for the guidance of new and experienced parents. Islam teaches parents not to consider themselves as the owner of all knowledge; instead, it teaches parents to experience the parenting journey as a learning phase for them and the child. This perspective helps make the journey impactful, full of learning and exploration.

1. Value Authenticity

Children are naturally pure, sinless, and curious and are born with all positive traits, but environmental factors might add elements not suitable for their intrinsic development. Allah blesses parents with children who are naturally good in virtue. Hence Islamic teachings emphasize taking good care of their children in terms of their physical, mental, and emotional growth. It’s the parents who could teach them the difference between right and wrong and protect them from the negative aspects of the environment.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, « A virtuous child is a flower from the flowers of Paradise. » He also said, « Among the good fortunes is the virtuous child. »

Parents could offer a secure space for children’s growth, well-being, and a crucial sense of belonging through authenticity.

1. Be Accountable

Responsive parenting is about accountability for their emotional baggage, which could impact their relationship with the child. Parents responsive in their parenting journey tend to avoid blaming their kids for their negative feelings. Instead of playing blaming games, they try to practice reflective tools and mindfulness to analyze their emotions and understand behaviors. Responsive parents are generally patient with themselves and their children as they consider their past experiences to impact them now.

Allah says: “Do not kill your children because of (fear of) poverty—We will provide for you and them.”

Islamic Guidelines for Muslims

Children are the most beautiful creation of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala, who is a present and a responsibility for Muslims. Now it is upon us to make sure they grow up to be productive, creative, and responsible individuals for parents and the Muslim Ummah in general. 

The Prophet Muhammad said,

“When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except three things, namely, perpetual sadaqah (charity), or the knowledge by which benefit is acquired, or a pious child who prays for him.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]

Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala, has created the parents’ hearts as the center of love and affection for their kids. He has assigned that love towards children within the roots of parenthood, and hence a mother or father’s love for his child is a natural reaction, and a pure connection. Children imitate their parents in all their habits and nature, hence parents have to be mindful of their behavior. They have to be a role model for their children so they can adopt all good characteristics and can differentiate between what’s wrong and what’s right for their well-being.

Islam has presented some excellent guidelines for parents to raise their children, from their birth to the age of 21 according to Islamic teachings. The beloved Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “O ‘Ali, there are as many rights of children incumbent upon parents as there are rights of parents incumbent upon children.”

Key Takeaway

Muslims today have an immense responsibility on their shoulders to instill strong faith and key Islamic teachings in their children. Parents should spend quality time with their kids, and communicate with them about their thoughts, needs, and interests. Teach them how Islam provides a complete code of life for leading a successful life.

A safe, open environment for children enables them to express themselves more confidently. They believe that their parents trust them and deal with them compassionately. Hence children will always look up to parents for communication, discussions, and guidance.